Burden
by STech
Summary: What would happen if Athrun felt differently about Kira and Lacus being together?


**So this is a random one shot I actually started and discarded a while back, but it seemed to fit well with a new idea I came up with. I intended it to be complete at this, but there's always a chance I might add more. Let me know what you think. **

**Enjoy**

* * *

It had only been a short time since the war ended. A war started between the Earth Forces and The Zaft military, had been ended by a defected group of commanders and young teenagers.

A young coordinator sat on a rock among many that graced the shore of the crashing waves. The sun was no more than an hour away from setting, and a cool breeze ran through the now peaceful, quiet air. Although the world was now at peace, the troubles in the young man's heart had not been significantly decreased with the end of the battle. Rather, new troubles had arisen for him.

Yes, it was true that he was safe and no longer risking his life every time he stepped foot off the ship, and he no longer had to say goodbye to his friends as if he might never see them again every time they separated, but he still did not feel at ease. He was living in Orb, a nation that was about as far from his home as he could get. Unfortunately for him, there was nothing left to go home to. His mother had died before the war began, and his father had also perished just before the war had ended. Although the majority of his comrades were still alive, he felt alone.

Kira was the only one of the four that was able to return home to a family. Even though he had recently discovered that he had not been born by normal means, it was the family he left behind before the war, and the family that he grew up with, knew and loved. He had also discovered that he had a sister, and was able to add a member to his family. He was lucky.

The young boy sitting alone on the empty beach however, had not been so lucky. His friends had survived, and he was more than grateful for that, but he had no family or home to return to. Even if his father had survived, he wasn't sure he could have returned home to him. Not after everything that had happened. Although it was upsetting that he had perished, his father had truly died the moment he pulled the trigger on his own son. Although the wound had healed, the scar and its memories would be with him forever. Perhaps it was better that his father had died, at least now he wouldn't have to live with the conflict of whether or not he should bother seeing him again.

He had also obtained yet another new weight to bear over the last few weeks. Before the war began, he had been engaged to a wonderful girl, and even though it was an arranged marriage, he treated her as a girlfriend he had chosen himself. He had never been very good at showing her how much he enjoyed her company, and during the early stages of the war when he was able to make time to see her, she stated that she felt like a burden. But he had truly cared about her, and as far as he knew, he loved her. But everything had changed now. With both of their fathers gone, there was no one to uphold that requirement of marriage, and she, the boy supposed, felt that ending it between them was the logical thing to do.

He missed his home; he missed the way things used to be before the bloody valentine tragedy. Up until that day, he had been a normal teenager attending a normal school and only having to worry about the things normal 17 year olds worried about. Studying for the next test, making the sports team, girls; things that he now considered to be negligible in his everyday life. Not many seventeen year olds bore the weight that he did.

Everything was so different now. He still had his best friend, but between his family and his new girlfriend, Kira never seemed to have the time. He had Cagalli, but she was so busy trying to run a nation. He felt useless. As much as he hated fighting, at least when he was doing it he had a purpose. Now all he seemed to do was inconvenience others. He was living in a room in the same building as Cagalli, but he hated it. He hated being near the politics and talk of the war and the future. That was what brought him to his current location. The beach was near Kira and Lacus's home, and he had intended to visit them, but lately it seemed that every time he dropped by he was more in the way than anything. Rather than bother them again, he decided to sit on the rocks and stare out at the ocean. It was calming and peaceful, but it still couldn't sooth his aching heart.

"Athrun?"

The blue haired boy jumped a little, slightly startled by his guest. He turned to see a slim, pretty girl with long pink hair and a concerned expression. Lacus. He felt his heart skip a beat, and then proceed to ache.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?"

"Hey. Not a whole lot, just sitting. It's relaxing out here," he said in an attempted convincing manner. The girl didn't seem fooled.

"Are you ok? You haven't been yourself in the last little while," she commented, perching herself on the rock next to him as if signaling to him that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Every vibe she projected seemed so normal, so… at ease.

He sighed, "I'm alright. I guess I'm just trying to readjust to everything. It's all so different now," he said, not making eye contact with her.

"I think we all gained a new perspective on life after seeing it almost completely destroyed right before our eyes." She pulled her legs up onto the rock and crossed them gracefully, pulling her knees in close for warmth. He wished he could offer her his jacket, or put an arm around her. But he didn't know where they stood any more. This was his best friend's girlfriend now; there were lines that were certainly not to be crossed.

"Athrun, I've been meaning to ask you," the girl began hesitantly, "are you ok with… the way things are now? Between me and Kira?" She said, as if finally free of an extraordinarily heavy weight. It was like she read his mind.

He smiled a bit, "Yeah, I don't mind," he said in the most convincing voice he could force.

"I mean like, it was an arranged marriage. You never seemed too overly fond of the idea…" she trailed off as if trying not to offend him. Unfortunately, her words cut through him like knives. _So_, he supposed, _I really was that bad at showing how I felt._

"I know. I'm sorry. I was never opposed to it, if I was going to be obligated to marry anyone I would have wanted it to be you. But in reality, it isn't really something that should be arranged right?" He forced himself to use the words that would be most convincing. In reality, all he wanted was for her to be happy.

"Yeah. But… I mean Kira is your best friend and has been for a long time. Are you really ok with this?"

He was silent for a moment. He knew she would ask eventually. It was just in her nature. "Lacus, I want you and Kira to be happy. I'll admit it was a bit painful to see at first, but after getting over the initial shock, I thought it was really a great idea. I would want you each to be with someone that you truly love, and someone who will love and care for you. And since I know you two are both good people, I think it will work out well." They did make a good couple, but it made him feel lonely, as if two of the people who needed him most in this word suddenly didn't need him anymore. It made him feel useless and unnecessary.

Nevertheless, even if he wasn't ok with it, he couldn't have said no to her. He could never break up their relationship because of something he felt.

"Thank you Athrun. It means a lot to hear that from you. What about you? How are you and Cagalli?"

She knew him too well for him to be able to get away with completely lying about this. He wasn't even really sure where he stood on the matter. "I think we're ok. She's always so busy, but the time we get to spend together is great. I think things will get better once everything with the treaties and what not is finished," he lied. Things weren't great with Cagalli. They weren't bad, they just weren't great. The time they spent together should have felt better than it did. Maybe he only fell for her because at the time, he needed someone to lean on. To him, it felt like they would make better friends than a couple. Plus the idea of dating his best friends sister just seemed… wrong. Maybe at the time he had simply needed someone to take Lacus's place, and since Kira was dating his ex, why shouldn't Athrun date his sister? Or maybe it didn't feel right simply because he still had feelings for Lacus.

She didn't speak, she simply stared at him, looking for some kind of sign from him. But he wouldn't allow it; he would not allow her to read him anymore. She had hurt him, and she didn't deserve to know how he felt.

"Really Lacus, I'm ok."

"And what about everything else? Everything with your father?"

"My father died to me long before he was shot. True, any hopes of making up with him were shot when he was, but it's not as hard as you would expect." His words held a certain truth, but an underlying sorrow still persisted.

Again, she didn't speak. She placed her hand on his right shoulder, and offered a reassuring smile. "If you want to come stay with us until everything has calmed down at your current residence, feel free. We would be happy to have you, and I'm sure Kira would love it. You guys haven't spent enough time together since the war ended."

"Thanks Lacus. It means a lot." It was true, he'd spent so much time during the war fighting with Kira and wishing things could go back to normal. Now that things had gone back to normal, he'd hardly spent any time with Kira. But at the same time, he was hurt that Kira would date Lacus so soon after. But in reality, he had never shared his true feelings with Kira or Lacus anyway, so it was his own fault. Nevertheless, he couldn't face Kira right now.

"I need to go back to the house, do you want to come with me?

"No, I'm gonna stay here a while longer then head home."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

She continued to stare, but he seemed like he was alright.

"Ok, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Lacus," he smiled.

She grinned back.

He was getting better at Lying.

All in all, life just felt like a burden to the young coordinator. And he felt like a burden to life itself.

He stayed a while longer, until the sun had nearly dipped below the mountains behind him. The sun still shone brightly upon the beach house that Kira and Lacus shared with the reverend and children, but it was dark where he sat now. It only made him feel gloomier. He shivered slightly now that the sun had moved past him. As he stared off in the direction of the house, he noticed someone walk out the door and onto the beach. He instantly recognized it to be Kira. He thought about going over to talk to him, to explain his feelings before things went too far and he couldn't dig his way out anymore, but he remained rooted to the spot as he saw another figure walk onto the beach. A petite figure and long flowing hair gave her identity away, but he had known before he ever saw her. It was Lacus. Kira turned to her, and held out his arms to her. She sprang quickly and joyfully across the sand and into his arms, meeting his lips in a welcomed embrace. As the two stood together, a picture perfect scene basking in the last of the sun's rays, Athrun felt his heart tear into pieces, and a drop of water hit his hand. He quickly looked up, but the sea was far too calm, and there wasn't a rain cloud in sight.


End file.
